I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

I have to admit something, and I really don't think you're going to like it. Buckle your seat belts folks, because:


I.... I don't like cake.


There, I said it. And it's not entirely true. I love everything about cake, except for the part where you eat it. I love the way it looks, I love making batter and slathering frosting all over them perfect cake rounds. I even love slicing them and gazing for an inappropriate amount of time at the layers. In my opinion, cake is the most beautiful thing on earth– but when it comes to sticking my fork into a slice, I am usually the person asking for "just a sliver" or leaving most of it on the plate. There it is- my deepest darkest secrect. Please don't judge me too harshly.



I think my dislike of cake could be interpreted as finickiness, because there are certain components and combinations of cake that I certainly will go to town on- it's just a matter of putting them together in a manner that I deem acceptable. Which is why I almost always make my own birthday cake. It gives me an excuse to go a little overboard, because you know, it's my birthday. And that way I get to have it just the way I like it.


On Wednesday I turned 23, and I had one of the best days I've had since I graduated from college. To celebrate, I whipped up a batch of Swiss Meringue and spread it onto a pink strawberry layer cake, filled with key lime custard. Now that is what I call cake. Sadly, I didn't take any pictures of the inside, because it disappeared rather quickly.

It's Pi Day!

...and in honor of this special, near and dear to my heart holiday (which also happens to be two days before my birthday!) I made a pie. French Silk Pie to be specific. Now, this is not your typical chocolate pie. For starters, there's no pudding involved. The filling is light and fluffy, and the flavor is rich and velvety, too sweet and far too airy for a graham cracker crust.

Having worked in a bakery that only made pies, I can throw together a pie crust or 50 in a snap. It's all about having the right ratios of fat, flour, and water- and once you know what consistency you're looking for you don't necessarily need a recipe. Basically, any old crust will do here, and I'll figure out save my recipe for another day, and a pie where the crust is more important. After all, strawberry rhubarb season is coming soon.

Laziness aside- the real star of the show here is the filling. It's sinful- it walks the line between being heavenly and just a little.... ok, a lot naughty. Every time you see a spoon pictured below, you can bet it was licked clean shortly thereafter. As a special bonus for those of you who like to walk on the wild side: it contains four raw eggs.


I've been eating cookie dough and brownie batter out of the bowl for the entire duration of my (almost) 23 years, and plenty of restaurants serve aioli and oozing poached eggs with no ill effects, so I chose not to worry about the small chance of salmonella poisoning here. I would not, however serve this pie to any small children, pregnant ladies, people with weak immune systems, or elderly folks. Now that the air is full of danger, and your momma told you not to (even though she's licking the spoon after she kicks you out of the kitchen), don't you want to make this even more?



The recipe is originally by Ree Drummond

French Silk Pie

4 ounces baking chocolate, unsweetened (though I used half semi-sweet because it's what I had)
1 cup of salted butter
1 1/2 cups of sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 whole eggs
1 pre baked pie shell.

1) Melt your chocolate in the microwave, 30 seconds at a time until you can stir it smooth. Set it aside and let it cool. Or, forget that you're supposed to be doing other preparatory things and take many photos of chocolate gratuitously dripping off of a spoon.

2) In the bowl of your stand mixer (you could use a hand mixer for this, but you won't want to) beat the butter and sugar with your whisk attachment till it's fluffy. Now drizzle that nice cool chocolate allllll over your fluffy butter mixture. Toss the vanilla in and whip whip whip.

3) Scrape the bowl! It's very important to be a vigilant bowl scraper here. Now- add your eggs. Do this one at a time. Beat after each egg addition. That's right, you heard me, each individual egg addition for at least five minutes. Do not roll your eyes at your computer screen and throw them all in there at once, because you will hate yourself for it later. You can do productive things during this time, like licking the spoon you scraped the bowl with, or baking that pie crust you forgot to make ahead of time. Shh.

4) SCRAPE THE BOWL! Now beat it real good for a few seconds just to make sure you got every last bit of goodness incorporated and spatula that filling into your prepared, cooled, pie shell. Smooth it out a little bit, and chill it in the fridge for at least two hours, more time if you got it.

5) Top each slice with a dollop of whipped cream, and go to town. I personally like to gussie up my whipped cream with just the barest sprinkle of flaky sea salt.


This post is slightly delayed because I was busy stuffing my face full of pie.

Cupcakes Ahoy

Cupcakes are all the rage at pre-school these days, even with the little boys! I was commissioned to make these cupcakes for my little friend Max, who lives next door to the girls I babysit. While the girls and I spend our days waltzing around the kitchen to Disney princess tunes, I almost never see Max without a sword in his hand! He loves superheros, Big wheels, and... Pirates! Captain Max is turning 4, and his mom wanted him to have pirate cupcakes to celebrate!

I saw these wrappers at Wegmans, and snatched them up. The cupcakes are simple- vanilla and chocolate with vanilla buttercream frosting. The cake recipes are both from one of my favorite websites, Smitten Kitchen, and I have to say the chocolate cake recipe- is to die for. It has sour cream in it- which sounds strange, but takes me back to my grandmother's kitchen and her special occasion chocolate mayonnaise cupcakes. Grambo always frosted her cupcakes with peanut butter frosting, but for Max, I used a simple buttercream, which, to be honest, I don't usually use a recipe for! When I was putting these cupcakes together I made sure to measure, just for you folks.




Buttercream Frosting:

This frosting pipes well, tastes great, and looks pretty! What more do you need?

1 1/2 cups unsalted butter, softened
2 lbs of powdered sugar
2 tsp of vanilla extract
1/2 tsp of salt
3 tbs heavy cream


Fit your stand mixer with the whip attachment and put the butter in the bowl. Now whip it, and whip it good. Don't hold back- use high speed. It should be light and fluffy. Beat in the vanilla and salt. Start adding your powdered sugar in small increments, about an 1/8 of a bag at a time. Don't dump it in all at once or your frosting will be grainy. Once all the sugar is whipped in, your frosting is going to look a little chunky. This is where the cream comes in- add it one tablespoon at a time. Sometimes you need it all, sometimes you don't. If you plan on piping the frosting, err on the side of dryness. Frost something, grab a spoon, or just dip your (clean) fingers in it. Enjoy!

ruffled cupcakes

I have a problem. Are you sad? Let me bake you a cake, you'll feel better I promise. Happy? How about a pie to celebrate? Is it Tuesday? I should probably make some cookies. Whatever the occasion and whatever the mood, my automatic response is to preheat the oven. So when Laura over at Cupcakes and Lemonade told me that her three delightful little girls (whom I happen to adore... and babysit) were having a circus themed birthday party, and she wanted three jumbo cupcakes to put their candles in? I busted out my piping bag and got to it.

The cupcakes are classic yellow cake with vanilla buttercream. Fancy on the outside, simply sweet on the inside– just like the Beynon girls! For this kind of cupcake I like to make a 1-2-3-4 cake. It's a yellow cake that's easy to throw together (if you have self rising flour in the house) and it's just a little sturdier than a white cake or a fancier yellow recipe. See if you can figure out why it's called a 1-2-3-4 cake.




1-2-3-4 Cake:

1 cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
4 eggs *room temp
3 cups self rising flour
1 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla

1) Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Using the paddle attachment in the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the butter and the sugar until it's good and fluffy.

2) Add your eggs one at a time, making sure each one gets beaten in thoroughly. *Room temperature eggs keep your nice soft butter from becoming chunky- if your eggs are cold it will make your batter look a bit curdled. Not the end of the world, by any means, but not the best way to bake a cake. A little trick of mine, because I never remember to set my eggs out, is to put them in a bowl of piping hot water (not boiling, we're not making egg salad, here) till they've warmed up a bit.

3) Add your milk and flour alternately, beating well with each addition.

4) Add vanilla (if you wanted to you could use almond, lemon, any kind of extract you've got lying around instead of vanilla) and beat it a little bit more, just until the batter starts to look like it's getting the message. Or all the ingredients are combined. You pick.

5) You should have greased 3 9inch cake pans before you started, because that's what real bakers do. But if you're me you're rushing to do that right now. Baking spray with flour is my best friend. You can also pour this into 2 cupcake pans for 24 cupcakes. Just remember to grease the wrappers.

6) Bake. 25-35 minutes. Set your timer! check at 25 with a toothpick, and give it a few more minutes if you have to. Resist the urge to open the oven before the 25 minute mark– It lets heat out and the boom of the door closing can make your cakes collapse. Use this time wisely (ie. licking the bowl, licking the spoon, convincing yourself not to lick the batter off the counter.) When the cakes are done, and the tooth pick is coming out clean, cool them in the pans for about 5 minutes, and then tip them out onto racks.

7) Frost, serve, solve everyone's problems with delicious cake.